INFP

I just dug up the results of the MBTI test I took at a company where I used to work. Most people don't realize that I am an "I" because I am sociable and get along well with so many people, and easily.

But I have also been accused of being standoffish. Because when that "I" takes over, I really just don't want to be around people that much.

INFPs with others tells me this: INFPs value relationships based on depth, authenticity, true connection, and mutual growth.

And now, boys and girls, we understand why this marriage shit didn't really work out. There wasn't a true connection or mutual growth. One of us was growing... the other stagnating. I leave it to you to sort which was which.

And this: If they have not developed their Intuition preference, INFPs may not have
reliable ways of taking in information and may then fail to notice the
realities of situations.

So true. Another reason why this shit went south I suppose.

At a few points, I have been labeled as standoffish because even though I often have a lot to say, I often don't divulge EVERYTHING that I am thinking. People can sense this, and it put them off. But the truth is, I'm just selective about sharing those deep, deep thoughts, and that can be off-putting to people. But fuck, I am the most loyal person you will ever meet once I decide that you are mine. It's like...claiming a person.

The Plan!

Dr. Sam recommended I set some goals. These need to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, etc.

1.  Complete that wretched MA. I've reached tout to AU about this; maybe the summer program will be the time to complete it, since I have Wednesdays and Thursdays free. This will have a target date of September 1 - but
2. 2. Divorce by Christmas! This will require several steps: 
1. too many to list!!!
3. Learn to ride a bike. 

These are all "me" goals. This is important: as much as I used to occasionally take time for mysel, I never truly made the time for me. So here I go. This list will get longer. 

Inauguration

Dr. Sam recommended that I start journaling. Journaling is a pain in the ass, but it's good -- I suppose -- to get random thoughts out of my head.

This is in no way going to be anywhere near as entertaining or articulate as my other blog. Well, for now, I suppose. Divorce can become funny in the long run. Right now, very little is funny about it. 

After 18 years of marriage and 21 years together, Bill and I are done. Poof. Kaput. Shit's about to get real though. I'm just going to initially use this space to catalog the shit that pisses me off through this whole process:
- I really really hate this roller coaster, not helped at all by asshole behavior.
- This douche is refusing to disclose his assets. Okay then. We can do this the hard way: we can do disclosure or discovery. You choose.
- So rude! And the most amicable asshole on the planet. He is nasty with nice words. I guess because he uses please and thank you it's okay to be a total jerk.
- Gabby riding in the front seat. For real, my head almost exploded. Now I have to be in the fun position of asking the kid which part of the car she rode in...
- He is being intractable for the sake of it, which drives me batshit. Child support etc is due on the 10th and the 25th but he is refusing to pay until the first business day after the 10th... just because he can.

Soooo much more. The maddeningness of it. Ugh.